my deepest apologies, blog.
my first qarter at ai was amazing. the second, not as amazing. lost some people here and there, got a bit caught up in homework for a few, and then....i procrastinated.
and repeat.
autumn came late. i dont know if anyone cared to notice.
i did.
lots of crap has happened, lots of awesome stuffs' happened. i can't just put it into one HUGE paragraph. but im only going to say that i've learned a lot in these past few months.
ive learned. and i've done some more thinking.
reading, watching vids on youtube, and doing practically nothing, i thought. o-0 about my life. as a single person.
i have to keep telling myself that im being stupid. childish. and irritating to my own conscience when this subject comes up. it only makes me sad. im never happy when it comes around.
"oh yeah. theres somebody for everybody" mmhm.
just KEEEP telling that to yourself, christina.
ugh.
so anime. ive finally conformed and embraced it as a whole. but not rly. since i still dont like inuyasha, or anything main stream. ive never gotten used to being a conformist, so. it happens.
its gonna take some time.
embracing new ideas is something im not good at..
and letting go of the old ones is hard too....
sometimes i just want everything to stay the way it is. but. after a while. i realize that this is the way things are meant to work out. be it relationships, politics, my art, death, new life. sometimes ye just gotta give in.
and give in i have lol.
im completely in love with the vocaloids.
everyone else can shut up.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
september 11th is almost here.
oh god. i rly dont feel like seeing ppl in tears because of something that happened a decade ago. honestly. i would just say "yeah ok" and then leave. but no. no nonononononononononNO!
so were going to ignore that part of the world tommorow. and the mosque-im about to shoot somebody if its mentioned in my presence again.
do not want to hear about it.
ive been writing a whole lot. like. a whole lot. more than a lot.
watching yuri. its actually really cool. but....not my type of thing. im going through my phase. of. being a non-anime person=to a fanatic. its terrible but hey ye gotta.
blue drop has a beautiful soundtrack. almost beats out wolfs rain but falls short. i love it. it reminds me of the iron giant for some reason. now that its night- and im a little more sensitive, it kinda makes me wanna cry......hagino dies in the end, leaving mari thinking the opposite. i love the fact that mari and hagino have always been connected because of the island disaster. its...really cool how things work out. but. its a real shame that its 13 episodes long. i was real suprised when i read in the comments section "5 episodes left! OMG I DONT WANT IT TO END" i didnt either. honestly.....i was actually into it. there was hardly a kiss involved. hence its yuri. but. whatever. i wanted to figure out more about hagino's kind. all the lifeforms on her planet were female. and she was teh captain of a ship that landed in the ocean (hence causing the island disaster) and she was the only one with black hair. everyone else had white hair. it was wierd. guess thats wat makes hagino stand out....or ekaril. i was still very shocked that she sacrificed herself to save azanel. i was like "why" she could have transported the ship somewhere else. and saved herself and tsubael. it was wierd.
it had such a sad ending. they never got to really be with each other....T_T.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhnEk8Jhw7A&feature=related
so were going to ignore that part of the world tommorow. and the mosque-im about to shoot somebody if its mentioned in my presence again.
do not want to hear about it.
ive been writing a whole lot. like. a whole lot. more than a lot.
watching yuri. its actually really cool. but....not my type of thing. im going through my phase. of. being a non-anime person=to a fanatic. its terrible but hey ye gotta.
blue drop has a beautiful soundtrack. almost beats out wolfs rain but falls short. i love it. it reminds me of the iron giant for some reason. now that its night- and im a little more sensitive, it kinda makes me wanna cry......hagino dies in the end, leaving mari thinking the opposite. i love the fact that mari and hagino have always been connected because of the island disaster. its...really cool how things work out. but. its a real shame that its 13 episodes long. i was real suprised when i read in the comments section "5 episodes left! OMG I DONT WANT IT TO END" i didnt either. honestly.....i was actually into it. there was hardly a kiss involved. hence its yuri. but. whatever. i wanted to figure out more about hagino's kind. all the lifeforms on her planet were female. and she was teh captain of a ship that landed in the ocean (hence causing the island disaster) and she was the only one with black hair. everyone else had white hair. it was wierd. guess thats wat makes hagino stand out....or ekaril. i was still very shocked that she sacrificed herself to save azanel. i was like "why" she could have transported the ship somewhere else. and saved herself and tsubael. it was wierd.
it had such a sad ending. they never got to really be with each other....T_T.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhnEk8Jhw7A&feature=related
Friday, September 3, 2010
august concludes, hello september
i was increasingly angry this afternoon, but now im ok. im more angry at why the heck its 8 pm and i still have NO DINNAR.
what is up with this picture?! NO! im HUNGRY!
anyway they talked about religion, race, touchy subjects that make mouthy people mouth off even more because they wanna put their two cents in it. i kept quiet. nothing i say rly matters. its not like its gonna make anyones day any better, so might as well shut the hell up. black people were the pinnacle of the discussion.
yeah. everyones a little bit racist.....sometimes. i stopped myself so much from raising my hand to say something because i didnt wanna offend anyone. because alll i really had to say were terrible remarks. i just laughed when everyone was talking about religion. i cant remember wat happened, but i laughed and sat back. some people just dont get it. when they talked abut religion, they talked about god. not anything else. not buddhism, hinduism, just islam and jesus. make ppl feel sry for the islamic bastards and make christian idiots look like even bigger idiots.
i got sick after that. i was sick to my stomach at these people. holy crap. i was not happy. and talking to diana didnt help. she talked about herself and i talked about myself- that usually doesn't uhm.....MESH together. it really does collide with what i was trying to talk about. which is what was important. hearing about her pets- cool- but she went into frkn detail about everything and im thinkin 'okayy....you can stop now. any day now. i really dont care. lets talk about racism again'
it got way too quiet. i dont know today wasn't my day. i was tired from TOO MUCH SLEEP, i had been thinking last night about my life thus far, and it pissed me off. i woke up thinking, cried myself to sleep, got up again, cried some more, and finally fell asleep until 10 am. i shouldn't think about things that deeply.
it makes my mind wander a little too wildly. my anxiety issues kick in and i make something little something big. but im still upset. even tho i realize that it was just me taking things to an extreme. i can't concentrate. cant focus.
ive got to get to a doctor about that. these episodes. are not supposed to be just shrugged off like that. its serious. i could talk myself into doing stupid things aat stupid times with stupid people. without even reallly THINKING for myself and catching myself in my folly. im afraid itll happen again. im afraid that this time i wont be so fortunate as to just end up in tears.
im starting to become my old self again. its because of that stupid autolog in acting class. it made me think back tot he way it was, and i guess my brain missed it. so. here i am, typing down stupid things. ugh
sometimes i wish i was a guy so i could have an excuse to be a complete baby in every life situation there is. for expectations to be lowered. for standards to be lowered.
and so i could be left alone.
i love my sisters, but sometimes they catch me at the wrong time.
i dont like being a girl. honestly. its not even complicated. its just..........my minds here, my body's there. their in two different places. i feel so detatched. like i dont belong in my own skin! i scare myself. when i look in the mirror, i have to look twice before i realize its me. i let myself down for not being able to see past situations that aren't supposed to be a big deal. instead, i raise hell.
i hate this. whatever man.
what is up with this picture?! NO! im HUNGRY!
anyway they talked about religion, race, touchy subjects that make mouthy people mouth off even more because they wanna put their two cents in it. i kept quiet. nothing i say rly matters. its not like its gonna make anyones day any better, so might as well shut the hell up. black people were the pinnacle of the discussion.
yeah. everyones a little bit racist.....sometimes. i stopped myself so much from raising my hand to say something because i didnt wanna offend anyone. because alll i really had to say were terrible remarks. i just laughed when everyone was talking about religion. i cant remember wat happened, but i laughed and sat back. some people just dont get it. when they talked abut religion, they talked about god. not anything else. not buddhism, hinduism, just islam and jesus. make ppl feel sry for the islamic bastards and make christian idiots look like even bigger idiots.
i got sick after that. i was sick to my stomach at these people. holy crap. i was not happy. and talking to diana didnt help. she talked about herself and i talked about myself- that usually doesn't uhm.....MESH together. it really does collide with what i was trying to talk about. which is what was important. hearing about her pets- cool- but she went into frkn detail about everything and im thinkin 'okayy....you can stop now. any day now. i really dont care. lets talk about racism again'
it got way too quiet. i dont know today wasn't my day. i was tired from TOO MUCH SLEEP, i had been thinking last night about my life thus far, and it pissed me off. i woke up thinking, cried myself to sleep, got up again, cried some more, and finally fell asleep until 10 am. i shouldn't think about things that deeply.
it makes my mind wander a little too wildly. my anxiety issues kick in and i make something little something big. but im still upset. even tho i realize that it was just me taking things to an extreme. i can't concentrate. cant focus.
ive got to get to a doctor about that. these episodes. are not supposed to be just shrugged off like that. its serious. i could talk myself into doing stupid things aat stupid times with stupid people. without even reallly THINKING for myself and catching myself in my folly. im afraid itll happen again. im afraid that this time i wont be so fortunate as to just end up in tears.
im starting to become my old self again. its because of that stupid autolog in acting class. it made me think back tot he way it was, and i guess my brain missed it. so. here i am, typing down stupid things. ugh
sometimes i wish i was a guy so i could have an excuse to be a complete baby in every life situation there is. for expectations to be lowered. for standards to be lowered.
and so i could be left alone.
i love my sisters, but sometimes they catch me at the wrong time.
i dont like being a girl. honestly. its not even complicated. its just..........my minds here, my body's there. their in two different places. i feel so detatched. like i dont belong in my own skin! i scare myself. when i look in the mirror, i have to look twice before i realize its me. i let myself down for not being able to see past situations that aren't supposed to be a big deal. instead, i raise hell.
i hate this. whatever man.
Friday, August 20, 2010
and were back
to the blogging. had a decent week. realized that i may or may not still be going through some little uhm.....adjustments within. monday totally screwed up my vibe so i didnt' take advantage of the week.....didnt grab it by the horns. i just kinda....let the horns run me through. lol.
i need a new idea. to draw off of. i dont know what. but boredom has set in. and i dont know if i should go looking for ideas. the decieved has officially been ABANDONED.
dont ask. its not even complicated.
were almost done with august folks.....oh how time goes by so fast...its amazing....if your having fun, that is. if your not, the time just seems to go by all the more slower so that you can bask in your own misery for THAT MUCH TIME. see how time works? it adjusts itself to your moods. lol. just kidding. time waits for no one. not even if your oprah.
it will run you over if your not ready. thats why im so afraid to space off. ye never know what you might miss ye kno? especially in school! gawd. ipay good attention. but sometimes i get the urge. and then people start talking to me and in my head i mumble "screw you" and have to come back to earth.
i gently set my things down as i come home. i came home to the tv blaring, everyone in the living room and a very excited mutt. the usual. i had my coffee, again. just cuz i want to. im not addicted. i look over my room to make sure everything's the way i left it when i left almost 10 hours ago. and i go eat my dinner. everyone loves chicken. comee back, take off my tags, my keys, my glasses, my jacket, search my pockets, take out everything from there, and settle on in.
i have another weeks worth of projects to do. homework for observational drawing is simple. i just have to draw things i see in front of me and draw little things big so my teacher can say "this is quite nice" thats the best anyone will hear from him. he'll never tell you its "perfect" or "very good" its "its quite nice" i kinda like that cuz you dont wanna think you've done too well because you never really stop learning. striving to be better, that is what im doing. this class isn't really helping. im just using techniques i discovered on my own all over again. basically a review of last year. not even learning anything in particular. i spent 4 hours of my life on monday drawing an arrangement of POPCORN.
POPCORN.
fortunately i ate the arrangement before the professor could come around to scrutinize my work and how good the proportions were.
scale is just like anxiety. you make something little something big. i had to fill the large piece of paper with details. all four sides of the paper drawn on. it wasn't hard. im used to doing that with pictures i draw from my phone. the screen is small. i nonconsciously make myself better. drawing small pictures on big paper. ive been doing it.
my dad thinks that im still like really inexperienced and that he needs to put his input on stuff im doing. "print it out in blak n white-" i know dad......i know.....
i shouldn't have coffee in the evening. i get headaches.
acting class is real fun. thheres really no other definition.
i registered for classes next quarter. got my little card that says "pass" i think its for this party thats gonna go on next next wednesday. i should get my new schedule at the end of this month i think. or by the end of september. hopefully.
apparently i get a shirt. for being one of the first 100 people to register for classes. im number 56. oh aren't i lucky.
i do believe im gonna make something out of the sketch comic.
which remains unnamed. i dont know what i should call it until i finish. i dont even know the story for this thing. but ill figure something out. to fit what's already taken place. because i dont feel like starting all over just because i made one little change. uggghhhh i dont feel like talking about my artwork anymore.
its got no meaning. headed in no direction. its a mess.
my head hurts. ugh.
well.....life isn't bad.
i need a new idea. to draw off of. i dont know what. but boredom has set in. and i dont know if i should go looking for ideas. the decieved has officially been ABANDONED.
dont ask. its not even complicated.
were almost done with august folks.....oh how time goes by so fast...its amazing....if your having fun, that is. if your not, the time just seems to go by all the more slower so that you can bask in your own misery for THAT MUCH TIME. see how time works? it adjusts itself to your moods. lol. just kidding. time waits for no one. not even if your oprah.
it will run you over if your not ready. thats why im so afraid to space off. ye never know what you might miss ye kno? especially in school! gawd. ipay good attention. but sometimes i get the urge. and then people start talking to me and in my head i mumble "screw you" and have to come back to earth.
i gently set my things down as i come home. i came home to the tv blaring, everyone in the living room and a very excited mutt. the usual. i had my coffee, again. just cuz i want to. im not addicted. i look over my room to make sure everything's the way i left it when i left almost 10 hours ago. and i go eat my dinner. everyone loves chicken. comee back, take off my tags, my keys, my glasses, my jacket, search my pockets, take out everything from there, and settle on in.
i have another weeks worth of projects to do. homework for observational drawing is simple. i just have to draw things i see in front of me and draw little things big so my teacher can say "this is quite nice" thats the best anyone will hear from him. he'll never tell you its "perfect" or "very good" its "its quite nice" i kinda like that cuz you dont wanna think you've done too well because you never really stop learning. striving to be better, that is what im doing. this class isn't really helping. im just using techniques i discovered on my own all over again. basically a review of last year. not even learning anything in particular. i spent 4 hours of my life on monday drawing an arrangement of POPCORN.
POPCORN.
fortunately i ate the arrangement before the professor could come around to scrutinize my work and how good the proportions were.
scale is just like anxiety. you make something little something big. i had to fill the large piece of paper with details. all four sides of the paper drawn on. it wasn't hard. im used to doing that with pictures i draw from my phone. the screen is small. i nonconsciously make myself better. drawing small pictures on big paper. ive been doing it.
my dad thinks that im still like really inexperienced and that he needs to put his input on stuff im doing. "print it out in blak n white-" i know dad......i know.....
i shouldn't have coffee in the evening. i get headaches.
acting class is real fun. thheres really no other definition.
i registered for classes next quarter. got my little card that says "pass" i think its for this party thats gonna go on next next wednesday. i should get my new schedule at the end of this month i think. or by the end of september. hopefully.
apparently i get a shirt. for being one of the first 100 people to register for classes. im number 56. oh aren't i lucky.
i do believe im gonna make something out of the sketch comic.
which remains unnamed. i dont know what i should call it until i finish. i dont even know the story for this thing. but ill figure something out. to fit what's already taken place. because i dont feel like starting all over just because i made one little change. uggghhhh i dont feel like talking about my artwork anymore.
its got no meaning. headed in no direction. its a mess.
my head hurts. ugh.
well.....life isn't bad.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
ive been being a really really wierd variation of christina
ive been putting together this video. of me being
myself in my natural environment- my room.
its been going fabulously. but i have to put aside my "pleasure" projects and focus on school. i started piecing together this thing last week. ive been busting my little behind in school. it is now that ive come to a realization
you need your imagination to get through art school. where's mine?
dead. why?
ive been thinking,and i think its because i just haven't been trying hard enough- or that im trying TOO hard. i dont know if anyone can follow me on that one. its all supposed to come really easily. children can do it in seconds. give em the opportunity and they'll overwhelm you with ideas. lol. me? LIFE has come to get me. so i kind of had to grow up.
grow up, and make things boring. ive been fighting it, but thats.....not working out well. im trying to keep my childish mindset for sake of school.
ive made friends..... i only see alex on mondays. she's really cool. real funnay. we're almost identical to each other. its just the way we look on the outside thats different.WILL IT MAKE A BIG BANG? WILL IT WALLOP OR MAKE A BIG BANG- same with diana- shes come off to me as a good artist and a good friend. she and i sort of come from the same background. sometimes i think she stole my life story. lol. but in reality its the same. Isabelle is a photography major, shes wacky, walks fast (lol), shes like one of those people you know, but you dont feel like you KNOW them. Megans a graphic design major. real cool. ive never heard her sing, but shes the lead singer of speekrbockz (im sorry thats just the most obscure way i could spell it. correct me if im wrong) i believe their local. shes a go-green person. shes having an effect on me cuz i can't look at milk the same after she told me what was in it. lol. ive got a soft spot for silk chocolate soymilk
harris is awkward. though i make him laugh all the time. all we talk about is kingdom hearts and sephiroth's emo shoulderpads. everyone else that i could mention is in my acting class.
i really should be studying for the midterm tommorow. lol. we've all basically turned into one big family. we're comfortable around each other, have the most amazing "WHAT THE WORLD" moments, and i laugh the hardest in that class. our first improv session was last week. ive never LOL'ed so hard in my life. even though i was blank, i was enjoyed it. that class makes me feel good about being my own person. and acting as a completely different person is allowed. so everyones all deceptive n stuff. lol. all we really do is play games and laugh.
like little five year olds. and i love et.
WeLL ive got to deliver Leigh's wallet to her houese in a few hours. if you want duct tape stuff, email me at ductwear_for_you@yahoo.com or message me on facebook. photo gallery is also on my facebook, www.facebook.com/christina.samos its called "stuff i make out of duct tape" cant miss it.
my fursuits been layin around for the past month. i have to get to it before holloween! lol. i watched quarezzel fur a mask last night and thought to myself "who knew it was that easy!" i make things all complicated n whatever. the duct tape patterns aren't even necessary. just cut off a big block of fur and slap it on with a glue gun and then go back and cut where necessary n trim the front.
gorilla tape is the next thing on my to-do list. my duct tape shoes- not sticking to the base. their FINE, but the fronts wahts bothering me. ive tried spray adhesive, and crazy glue and more duct tape and its just not working all that well. so. im going to buy gorilla tape and see if that works. cuz im bout to cut up some converse when i get some free time within the week, or next week, or the weekend.
their airwalks, so it really doesn't matter. lol. if they were allstar's, i'd go around it a bit differently. sam's shoes fit me. shes a 9 now and shes 11.
watever man. i gotta get bak to drawing. ill update next week.
ive been putting together this video. of me being
myself in my natural environment- my room.
its been going fabulously. but i have to put aside my "pleasure" projects and focus on school. i started piecing together this thing last week. ive been busting my little behind in school. it is now that ive come to a realization
you need your imagination to get through art school. where's mine?
dead. why?
ive been thinking,and i think its because i just haven't been trying hard enough- or that im trying TOO hard. i dont know if anyone can follow me on that one. its all supposed to come really easily. children can do it in seconds. give em the opportunity and they'll overwhelm you with ideas. lol. me? LIFE has come to get me. so i kind of had to grow up.
grow up, and make things boring. ive been fighting it, but thats.....not working out well. im trying to keep my childish mindset for sake of school.
ive made friends..... i only see alex on mondays. she's really cool. real funnay. we're almost identical to each other. its just the way we look on the outside thats different.WILL IT MAKE A BIG BANG? WILL IT WALLOP OR MAKE A BIG BANG- same with diana- shes come off to me as a good artist and a good friend. she and i sort of come from the same background. sometimes i think she stole my life story. lol. but in reality its the same. Isabelle is a photography major, shes wacky, walks fast (lol), shes like one of those people you know, but you dont feel like you KNOW them. Megans a graphic design major. real cool. ive never heard her sing, but shes the lead singer of speekrbockz (im sorry thats just the most obscure way i could spell it. correct me if im wrong) i believe their local. shes a go-green person. shes having an effect on me cuz i can't look at milk the same after she told me what was in it. lol. ive got a soft spot for silk chocolate soymilk
harris is awkward. though i make him laugh all the time. all we talk about is kingdom hearts and sephiroth's emo shoulderpads. everyone else that i could mention is in my acting class.
i really should be studying for the midterm tommorow. lol. we've all basically turned into one big family. we're comfortable around each other, have the most amazing "WHAT THE WORLD" moments, and i laugh the hardest in that class. our first improv session was last week. ive never LOL'ed so hard in my life. even though i was blank, i was enjoyed it. that class makes me feel good about being my own person. and acting as a completely different person is allowed. so everyones all deceptive n stuff. lol. all we really do is play games and laugh.
like little five year olds. and i love et.
WeLL ive got to deliver Leigh's wallet to her houese in a few hours. if you want duct tape stuff, email me at ductwear_for_you@yahoo.com or message me on facebook. photo gallery is also on my facebook, www.facebook.com/christina.samos its called "stuff i make out of duct tape" cant miss it.
my fursuits been layin around for the past month. i have to get to it before holloween! lol. i watched quarezzel fur a mask last night and thought to myself "who knew it was that easy!" i make things all complicated n whatever. the duct tape patterns aren't even necessary. just cut off a big block of fur and slap it on with a glue gun and then go back and cut where necessary n trim the front.
gorilla tape is the next thing on my to-do list. my duct tape shoes- not sticking to the base. their FINE, but the fronts wahts bothering me. ive tried spray adhesive, and crazy glue and more duct tape and its just not working all that well. so. im going to buy gorilla tape and see if that works. cuz im bout to cut up some converse when i get some free time within the week, or next week, or the weekend.
their airwalks, so it really doesn't matter. lol. if they were allstar's, i'd go around it a bit differently. sam's shoes fit me. shes a 9 now and shes 11.
watever man. i gotta get bak to drawing. ill update next week.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
thoughts
i wonder if anyone actually reads this. lol
ive made a new youtube account- DuctwearTv. why? cuz i make stuff out of duct tape and i want people to know.
okay. so. im battling in my head if i should finish up my school work or take a day off (more like hours) and do some hobby work.
-i have my fursuit
-duct tape bags i wanna get started on
-buy more duct tape (i think ive spent more than 40 dollars on duct tape alone this summer.
- the sketch comics
-ballpoint pen portraits
- and anything else i might come up with. lol. uploading videos to youtube
ive been battling since 5 today and its been nearly three hours. i think im gonna start on that essay for college 101 on friday and THEN see wat ill do. cuz ive been inspired by a lot of people lately to make duct tape clothing. or more accessories. out of duct tape.
i plan to make bandaids. and belts. i have another pair of shoes im gonna cut up and rebuild.
on another note, im thinking abotu getting a job. i need one. its like mandatory. i feel like a spoiled child sittin here, wasting my time with duct tape, foam, and glue guns. my parents are always complaining about the bills. we're like on the borderline of poverty and middle class. and my mom and i got in another yelling match in the van on the way to school.
because we talked about cars. she was like "your dad will get you a car" i immediately get pissed over this because it could have been cleanly avoided had he not banned me from working when i was in highschool. i could have bought my own. i wouldn't be straining everyone's check books. he told me he was going to do it four months ago! i've been waiting for my permit for three years! and still haven't got either one. why?
i believe their conspiring in some odd way that they think i dont and CANT know about. if they are, ive found them out. and im not happy. my mom was just complaining and complaining and all i had to say was "WHOS FAULT IS THAT?!" i am NOT ending up like danny, living with his parents at 24. and hes getting married next year. gawd. it must suck.
i wanna be out of this house thats not even mine. i have to, however, call it home for now.
though i am grateful that i have a TEMPORARY home, and not one where everyone wants you out. ive been able to at least BREATHE and smell the coffee for the first time. its been great. i love having my room back. i love having my SPACE. i love being able to change without getting walked in on. same thing for showers. i love having quiet evenings to think and be happy that i have a roof over my head and clothes to wear.
and i also think about those that dont have that. then im not all that mad about why i couldn't get those $50 vans and that $100 pair of jordan's. dude those guys at finish line are questionable. they dont have HALF sizes D8< im an 8 1/2. FAIL. what if i really was gonna buy those amazing nike's that i saw yesterday? ooooooo i wouldda been MAD. they were 6's on display.
i love shoes. im sorreh i just can't help myself i am female and love to indulge in sweet kicks.
i also love pants. and shirts. and accessories. no one on earth really understands.
just kiddin. i like wat i like.
my dog and i have been besties for three years. itll be four in march of 2011. its gonna be emotional. shes like my kid. i take all the responsibility for her mistakes so my dad wont take her back to the shelter i found her in. always. shes like the only one that actually KNOWS- if you know what i mean. she knows me in my opinion, better than anyone ever could. and she can't say a word
thats the best part.
shes rly expressive. i dont know if its because ive been aroudn her for the past three years. but i can tell how shes feeling and vice versa. she knows when im doing projects. she knows i dont like to be disturbed when doing so. she is very afraid of duct tape because of the sound it makes when im cutting strips. very afraid of the electric knife because of the sound it makes when cutting through the foam. very afraid of my glowsticks because she KNOWS FIRSTHAND that it STINGS if your within proximity.
cassie is the most cowardly dog ive ever met. cowardly when nothing wierds going on. she acts up some days....im still not too sure why. but she goes into beast mode some days and barks at the door, the garage door, the air, or something. Idunno! its like she can see something i can't...and she doesn't like it.
omg my dad likes twilight. the world is coming to its pitiful end.
blah.
ive made a new youtube account- DuctwearTv. why? cuz i make stuff out of duct tape and i want people to know.
okay. so. im battling in my head if i should finish up my school work or take a day off (more like hours) and do some hobby work.
-i have my fursuit
-duct tape bags i wanna get started on
-buy more duct tape (i think ive spent more than 40 dollars on duct tape alone this summer.
- the sketch comics
-ballpoint pen portraits
- and anything else i might come up with. lol. uploading videos to youtube
ive been battling since 5 today and its been nearly three hours. i think im gonna start on that essay for college 101 on friday and THEN see wat ill do. cuz ive been inspired by a lot of people lately to make duct tape clothing. or more accessories. out of duct tape.
i plan to make bandaids. and belts. i have another pair of shoes im gonna cut up and rebuild.
on another note, im thinking abotu getting a job. i need one. its like mandatory. i feel like a spoiled child sittin here, wasting my time with duct tape, foam, and glue guns. my parents are always complaining about the bills. we're like on the borderline of poverty and middle class. and my mom and i got in another yelling match in the van on the way to school.
because we talked about cars. she was like "your dad will get you a car" i immediately get pissed over this because it could have been cleanly avoided had he not banned me from working when i was in highschool. i could have bought my own. i wouldn't be straining everyone's check books. he told me he was going to do it four months ago! i've been waiting for my permit for three years! and still haven't got either one. why?
i believe their conspiring in some odd way that they think i dont and CANT know about. if they are, ive found them out. and im not happy. my mom was just complaining and complaining and all i had to say was "WHOS FAULT IS THAT?!" i am NOT ending up like danny, living with his parents at 24. and hes getting married next year. gawd. it must suck.
i wanna be out of this house thats not even mine. i have to, however, call it home for now.
though i am grateful that i have a TEMPORARY home, and not one where everyone wants you out. ive been able to at least BREATHE and smell the coffee for the first time. its been great. i love having my room back. i love having my SPACE. i love being able to change without getting walked in on. same thing for showers. i love having quiet evenings to think and be happy that i have a roof over my head and clothes to wear.
and i also think about those that dont have that. then im not all that mad about why i couldn't get those $50 vans and that $100 pair of jordan's. dude those guys at finish line are questionable. they dont have HALF sizes D8< im an 8 1/2. FAIL. what if i really was gonna buy those amazing nike's that i saw yesterday? ooooooo i wouldda been MAD. they were 6's on display.
i love shoes. im sorreh i just can't help myself i am female and love to indulge in sweet kicks.
i also love pants. and shirts. and accessories. no one on earth really understands.
just kiddin. i like wat i like.
my dog and i have been besties for three years. itll be four in march of 2011. its gonna be emotional. shes like my kid. i take all the responsibility for her mistakes so my dad wont take her back to the shelter i found her in. always. shes like the only one that actually KNOWS- if you know what i mean. she knows me in my opinion, better than anyone ever could. and she can't say a word
thats the best part.
shes rly expressive. i dont know if its because ive been aroudn her for the past three years. but i can tell how shes feeling and vice versa. she knows when im doing projects. she knows i dont like to be disturbed when doing so. she is very afraid of duct tape because of the sound it makes when im cutting strips. very afraid of the electric knife because of the sound it makes when cutting through the foam. very afraid of my glowsticks because she KNOWS FIRSTHAND that it STINGS if your within proximity.
cassie is the most cowardly dog ive ever met. cowardly when nothing wierds going on. she acts up some days....im still not too sure why. but she goes into beast mode some days and barks at the door, the garage door, the air, or something. Idunno! its like she can see something i can't...and she doesn't like it.
omg my dad likes twilight. the world is coming to its pitiful end.
blah.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
fursuit progress- not good.
ive been gathering materials as ive been starting on it. bad sign. bad bad bad sign. i might fix the muzzle, and i still need freeking springs, nuts n bolts so this thing can function properly for me. i can't find my wallet. BAD SIGN. my anxiety issues are making me anticipate the worst. even tho i KNOW it can't be that serious.
as far as the fursuit goes, i think its turning out fine. beautifully even. i may need a new piece of foam. i got the big block you see for $15. it makes up to 2 partial fursuits. loll.
its a 3 inch. so its great. i may in fact buy a frikin roll of this stuff if i decide to make n sell fursuits.
ive been getting lots of requests for duct tape items. mainly just bags. and well. no communication is being done. so im rly anxious about future commissions. i dont trust people much, so payment is something to do first before i go and work on something for you. because ive done stuff for people (rly amazing things) that they forget that they have to pay for it, and they think im just gonna give it to them for free (UHM. NO.) and then i just end up keeping what they want. and they get mad. cuz they think they can walk all over me. and take advantage of me that way. and they collect dust. for YEARS>
yeah.....i have trust issues. dont waste my time.
i used to be really nice about it. give them a week or so to pay me, but latar on, i realize that their not gonna pay me anything at all a month later, so. yeah. im not like my dad anymore.
and then i have problems keeping my sisters out of my room. they touch things they shouldnt. my resin eyes have been touched. theres a huge DENT on one of the half-spheres im gonna use for the suit- and sams the only sister thats here currently, so im gonna chew her out when she gets home.
YOU DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TOUCH ANYTHING IN MY ROOM. NO MATTER WHAT IT IS. DONT.
i get rly rly mad if i find ONE thing out of place. this small DENT could rly HURT the realistic effect the eyes will make.
and they might be a little too big. so. may need to make another few smaller eyes....hehe.....D8;
i got so lightheaded last time. and dizzy. and *vomits*
its a chemical. so thats normal. i remember junior year when i almost threw up after a lab. "DONT INHALE THE FUMES. THEYLL MAKE YOU PUKE."
i was just settin around all "lalalalal-" and then suddenly my body tensed and heaved and my lunch was in my mouth again. i had to swallow it bak down.
dont do that. if you need to throw up, DO WAT YOU MUST. DONT HOLD IT.
i think if i cast four more of these devils, it might have a positive effect on Alv's eyes, which will be brown. i will make the best painting of brown eyes that i possibly can. im modeling them after my dogs, which are more golden/yellow/ orange/brown. its rly pretty.
frustration from retarded prerequisite classes that you absolutely MUST pay for at the art institute. computer classes, acting class is starting to piss me off. i dont know whats wrong with me, i think after i moved out of my aunts house i became more of a realist. because of my art teacher. she made me draw what was real, not what COULD be real.
i think ive been potentially handicapped. ive begun to think that the acting class excersizes are so retarded. and stupid. thats not good. ive been terrible to my creative mind.
the professors even started to seem a little OVER THE TOP for me. hes a fat energetic man with an attitude. when he gets mad, he acts happier. when hes not, hes just happy. its like were working with a potential child predator.
this kid chris annoys the heck out of me. he thinks eveything were doing is so stupid and he wants to head straight for the actual ANIMATION things. he pisses me off. not only is he bringing down everyone elses mood, but hes just making it more clear to everyone that he smokes pot.
i hate people like that. "oh this is so stupid" i thought i got rid of these people when i graduated HIGHSCHOOL. nope.
wrong. there are a few bring-down-your-mood people. and i didnt get rid of all the ANIME-tards that are SO bent on making their own anime. i feel kind of alone whenever people talk about what they love to do- and most of its anime- and videogames- and im like "im inspired by disney" and everyone looks at me like im from another planet.
wow. im in art shcool, where "wierd" is taken to a new heights every day, and their staring at me like that.
its good, because ye know, you are your own person, everyones unique in their own way. blahblahablaha, and then, THEY think IM weird. lol. i feel like i belong there, but some people make me question myself.
do i have to be into anime to get someones approval?- OF COURSE NOT. i would rather turn on the straightener, and clamp it down on my flesh for a few minutes. i just have to keep telling that to myself.
now i need clear varnish paint. poo!. UGH.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
new fursuit design
ive been thinking.
that should scare you.
about making a new fursuit. since the first one didn't turn out as well as i hoped it would. the only prollem honestly was the eyes. might redo them before i think about sellin it.
okay the new one will be white, since i have lots of white fur left over from the Ramen fursuit. it might be an Alv fursuit. lol. its been an idea for a while, but ive avoided it because of the simple fact of the fursuit being white and......if its white, im gonna need to be cleanin the suit more than i would if the suit were black. (which is why i went with black last year)
the eye shaping method will be much different- as i actually want to SEE out of the suit. i had to adjust myself at certain angles, i had to frikin hold my hands out to make sure i didn't hit anyone-
oh no. the art pallete method must be thrown out the window.
i have sketches of what i want achieved , and i think....i might have to buy thin sheets of foam. along with
-sunglasses
-elastic (braided)
-one of those circle things you use to make perfect circles.
the list may go on, as i may want the suit to have different and better functions (follow me eyes, non follow me eyes, moving jaw, non moving jaw, moving ears, a fan inside the mouth, batteries, lol-inducing things like that)
eyes will be golden/brown since brown just plain sucks. will model them after my dog's pretty eyes. she has a ring of grey in them and i think its quite interesting.
my template drawings were too big last time. the final product was HUGE.
failure. thats why i want thin sheets of foam.
i have my exacto knife, glue fun, block of foam, and electric knife ready to go. so. i might start maybe this week. hopefully will be done before or after halloween.
id like to run some tests with the sunglasses first to make sure ill be able to see out of them with a circle of color in them. and then we'll look at the other methods. casting them out of resin looks rly cool.
the black see thru one is what ive got my heart set on, because itll make the eyes look THAT much realistic.
-hours n hours n hours pass-
ive drawn out a rough out of what i want...but idk.
i should start out later on in the week.
anyway.....thats whats been on my mind
that should scare you.
about making a new fursuit. since the first one didn't turn out as well as i hoped it would. the only prollem honestly was the eyes. might redo them before i think about sellin it.
okay the new one will be white, since i have lots of white fur left over from the Ramen fursuit. it might be an Alv fursuit. lol. its been an idea for a while, but ive avoided it because of the simple fact of the fursuit being white and......if its white, im gonna need to be cleanin the suit more than i would if the suit were black. (which is why i went with black last year)
the eye shaping method will be much different- as i actually want to SEE out of the suit. i had to adjust myself at certain angles, i had to frikin hold my hands out to make sure i didn't hit anyone-
oh no. the art pallete method must be thrown out the window.
i have sketches of what i want achieved , and i think....i might have to buy thin sheets of foam. along with
-sunglasses
-elastic (braided)
-one of those circle things you use to make perfect circles.
the list may go on, as i may want the suit to have different and better functions (follow me eyes, non follow me eyes, moving jaw, non moving jaw, moving ears, a fan inside the mouth, batteries, lol-inducing things like that)
eyes will be golden/brown since brown just plain sucks. will model them after my dog's pretty eyes. she has a ring of grey in them and i think its quite interesting.
my template drawings were too big last time. the final product was HUGE.
failure. thats why i want thin sheets of foam.
i have my exacto knife, glue fun, block of foam, and electric knife ready to go. so. i might start maybe this week. hopefully will be done before or after halloween.
id like to run some tests with the sunglasses first to make sure ill be able to see out of them with a circle of color in them. and then we'll look at the other methods. casting them out of resin looks rly cool.
the black see thru one is what ive got my heart set on, because itll make the eyes look THAT much realistic.
-hours n hours n hours pass-
ive drawn out a rough out of what i want...but idk.
i should start out later on in the week.
anyway.....thats whats been on my mind
Friday, July 23, 2010
headed to school much?
honestly the art institutes a little duller than i thought it would be. art school. everythings a little fun. but some people kinda get on my nerves already. people who dont exactly accept new ideas. and their like. teachers. its pretty retarded. why are they even teaching? HOMAGAWD.
HEY ANGEL-YOU R DUH SEXAY!
im having a MYCHONNY hiatus. hes just so funny. asians make me smile. bubz is right behind him. i laugh.
as i leave to computer apps- i dont think i should have the "standoffish" attitude with the lady. if shes there todai. idk. i dont wanna leave a bad impression. because like. uhm. the file thing yesterday is still on my mind and im kind of nervous. i really should have asked a question last friday. poo.
i hate looking back at the past and saying "damn i should have done that! i should have said this! instead of that!-" ill prolly regret this more than i did in highschool. cuz. like. i could bring my grade back up. very easily.
and it was great
but idk if i can do that at ai.
i meen its college.
and......UGH *screams*
i guess things like this have to happen first before you learn life lessons.
HEY ANGEL-YOU R DUH SEXAY!
im having a MYCHONNY hiatus. hes just so funny. asians make me smile. bubz is right behind him. i laugh.
as i leave to computer apps- i dont think i should have the "standoffish" attitude with the lady. if shes there todai. idk. i dont wanna leave a bad impression. because like. uhm. the file thing yesterday is still on my mind and im kind of nervous. i really should have asked a question last friday. poo.
i hate looking back at the past and saying "damn i should have done that! i should have said this! instead of that!-" ill prolly regret this more than i did in highschool. cuz. like. i could bring my grade back up. very easily.
and it was great
but idk if i can do that at ai.
i meen its college.
and......UGH *screams*
i guess things like this have to happen first before you learn life lessons.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
blog?
yes. indeed. as im finishing up my computer apps homework im left baffled. these people haven't given us some documents we need for the last part of the assignment we were assigned......what the heck? i dont wanna not do it because well
its my homework.
but i think im gonna just copy down whats written in the picture....*quickly types that down*
so i got my new glasses today. their awesome. but i have two massive blind spots on either side of my face. so no funny business. might end up elbowing someone in the face. NOT. my fault.
gawd. im missing a data file that was not given to me. idk wats going on. omg. idk if im supposed to go download the file- tried and it turns out that the stuff doesn't even frkn exist. im kinda mad now. i kept trying and putting in all the isbn codes in the search bar, and nothings come up.
i feel like retard now.
computer apps is pointless. im pretty sure im gonna have a nice talk with miss "Watkins. "
okay. so its been raining for the past couple of weeks on and off since alex came through. btw i met a friend named alex. shes pretty cool. its rly common for me to-oh poo its begun to rain again- befriend hispanic people at the very start of school. no matter where i am- THEY FIND ME.
they see the color of my skin and their like "hey, she can relate to me!" truth is, im the whitest brown person you will ever come across.
ive retrieved Lord Voldemort's Filter Cartridges. no now the dark lord is floating about in the little cup he came in, getting used to the temperature of the water-the CLEAN water. i swear. thats too much space for a little betta.
he has a 5 gallon tank all to himself. and hes very very active. when he dies, im going to get rid of the tank. if anyone wants it they can ask me for it. i spend just about $50 on the whole deal- gravel, plants, water conditioner, filter, heater, thermometer, the little net, EVRETHING>. so im sellin it for just that much. and then im gonna put that money towards my savings. i might get a bigger 14 gallon tank. who knows.
i saw it at walmart. its MINE.
yeah. ill update this anytime i can. for lolz.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)