fursuit progress- not good.

ive been gathering materials as ive been starting on it. bad sign. bad bad bad sign. i might fix the muzzle, and i still need freeking springs, nuts n bolts so this thing can function properly for me. i can't find my wallet. BAD SIGN. my anxiety issues are making me anticipate the worst. even tho i KNOW it can't be that serious.

as far as the fursuit goes, i think its turning out fine. beautifully even. i may need a new piece of foam. i got the big block you see for $15. it makes up to 2 partial fursuits. loll.

its a 3 inch. so its great. i may in fact buy a frikin roll of this stuff if i decide to make n sell fursuits.

ive been getting lots of requests for duct tape items. mainly just bags. and well. no communication is being done. so im rly anxious about future commissions. i dont trust people much, so payment is something to do first before i go and work on something for you. because ive done stuff for people (rly amazing things) that they forget that they have to pay for it, and they think im just gonna give it to them for free (UHM. NO.) and then i just end up keeping what they want. and they get mad. cuz they think they can walk all over me. and take advantage of me that way. and they collect dust. for YEARS>

yeah.....i have trust issues. dont waste my time.

i used to be really nice about it. give them a week or so to pay me, but latar on, i realize that their not gonna pay me anything at all a month later, so. yeah. im not like my dad anymore.

and then i have problems keeping my sisters out of my room. they touch things they shouldnt. my resin eyes have been touched. theres a huge DENT on one of the half-spheres im gonna use for the suit- and sams the only sister thats here currently, so im gonna chew her out when she gets home.

YOU DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TOUCH ANYTHING IN MY ROOM. NO MATTER WHAT IT IS. DONT.

i get rly rly mad if i find ONE thing out of place. this small DENT could rly HURT the realistic effect the eyes will make.

and they might be a little too big. so. may need to make another few smaller eyes....hehe.....D8;

i got so lightheaded last time. and dizzy. and *vomits*

its a chemical. so thats normal. i remember junior year when i almost threw up after a lab. "DONT INHALE THE FUMES. THEYLL MAKE YOU PUKE."

i was just settin around all "lalalalal-" and then suddenly my body tensed and heaved and my lunch was in my mouth again. i had to swallow it bak down.

dont do that. if you need to throw up, DO WAT YOU MUST. DONT HOLD IT.

i think if i cast four more of these devils, it might have a positive effect on Alv's eyes, which will be brown. i will make the best painting of brown eyes that i possibly can. im modeling them after my dogs, which are more golden/yellow/ orange/brown. its rly pretty.

frustration from retarded prerequisite classes that you absolutely MUST pay for at the art institute. computer classes, acting class is starting to piss me off. i dont know whats wrong with me, i think after i moved out of my aunts house i became more of a realist. because of my art teacher. she made me draw what was real, not what COULD be real.

i think ive been potentially handicapped. ive begun to think that the acting class excersizes are so retarded. and stupid. thats not good. ive been terrible to my creative mind.

the professors even started to seem a little OVER THE TOP for me. hes a fat energetic man with an attitude. when he gets mad, he acts happier. when hes not, hes just happy. its like were working with a potential child predator.

this kid chris annoys the heck out of me. he thinks eveything were doing is so stupid and he wants to head straight for the actual ANIMATION things. he pisses me off. not only is he bringing down everyone elses mood, but hes just making it more clear to everyone that he smokes pot.

i hate people like that. "oh this is so stupid" i thought i got rid of these people when i graduated HIGHSCHOOL. nope.

wrong. there are a few bring-down-your-mood people. and i didnt get rid of all the ANIME-tards that are SO bent on making their own anime. i feel kind of alone whenever people talk about what they love to do- and most of its anime- and videogames- and im like "im inspired by disney" and everyone looks at me like im from another planet.

wow. im in art shcool, where "wierd" is taken to a new heights every day, and their staring at me like that.

its good, because ye know, you are your own person, everyones unique in their own way. blahblahablaha, and then, THEY think IM weird. lol. i feel like i belong there, but some people make me question myself.

do i have to be into anime to get someones approval?- OF COURSE NOT. i would rather turn on the straightener, and clamp it down on my flesh for a few minutes. i just have to keep telling that to myself.

now i need clear varnish paint. poo!. UGH.