a change of plans?

o. my family had this… epic talk of mass proportions. about whats gonna happen. since we’re not doing to good. the economy isn’t being nice to us. almost all of us are out of a job. those who had main supporting jobs before have lost them and have been searching for about a year now. if my dad doesn’t find a job by april, we’ll have to leave again.

in the n ext four months, life could change for everyone. my aunt is talking about moving to florida. and if my aunt moves, the most logical thing that belizeans do is go on right after the family leader (my aunt) a year or two later. we dont like being alone. we congregate in groups of 10 or so. sooooo…..my family could follow my aunt there. supposedly, our family there(in sarasota) is acting as an open door for us. at this time, im not rly sure of what to think. imeen. im rly attached to the woodlands. i love my friends here. ive met people here that ill never forget as long as i live. i went to highschool here. i know this city like the back of my hand. but i might leave.

if we are, we’ll leave one family at a time. my aunt, uncle, and kait will go first, yuri will stay here with us to finish his second year of school. and if things go as planned, we’ll follow right after, idk if i’ll transfer to ai tampa (cuz thats the nearest school to sarasota) or i’ll just finish my school here. idk.

i personally…….deep inside my soul…really would like to live in florida. but i dont want to leave my friends….but i went for vacation couple of years ago to FL- and i was absolutely in love with sarasota. the sand on the beaches- WHITE.the water’s like crystal clear, and there are beautiful sites and not so beautiful people. i was 15.

well……………who knows what might happen in six months. will we be in sarasota, still here, living in my aunts former house, hearing from them, will things suddenly get better? will they get worse? idk.

whatever happens. happens. im all for it.

GET OUT

i feel like ive been left hanging/uninformed/and very much FUCKED OVER.

i did my script. into a storyboard. rite? that’s what were supposed to do. and well. i finished it. thats cool.

and when i get to class- NO ONES EVEN DONE. some ppl havent even started. i feel like ive gone above and beyond. that my friends

is the first time this has happened to me.

i seriously thought the due date was today but APPARENTLY NOT.

and all period, prof and chris were going back and forth like little kindergardeners, not an ADULT to be seen for miles. and i get told. *stress on the awkward atmosphere in the air because of their arguing* that i have to do my storyboard IN INK.

FUCK NO. im already sick and tired of this guy.so i have to redo all fucking 20 pages.

its not like theres anything i can do about it. he just talks about his damn career and how we’ll never get there if we joke around like idiots. and his recurring lines that annoy the hell out of people because its very inconsiderate and rude.

“you’d wanna go throw yourself in front of a train”

“you’d wanna go kill yourself”

“of course, you all draw like this-” *draws stick figure*” of course you all have never worked in 3Ds MAX” “You wont do this” “you’ll never do that”

i didnt want to be self centered and stop him right there,tell him to shut the fuck up, and walk away.im nice. its in my blood.

“theres the door if you dont wanna take this seriously”

im tired of being misunderstood. i havent been more close to saying “NO YOUR WRONG.” to a teacher before.

maybe he should think that maybe……..just maybe. someone in the class has dealt with suicide problems.

“you’d wanna go kill yourself”

i WINCED.

and it was very PRONOUNCED because he caught me off guard. nida looked at me for a sec and then went bak to listening to him rnat about how awesome he is.

when i first heard it come out of his mouth. maybe he should think that that is something that HAPPENS IN THIS WORLD. AND ITS NOT AN EXAGGERATION. that is something serious. and not something to just SAY.

“you’d wanna go throw yourself in front of a train”

O_O if he thinks that that’s what i would do if i were assigned in impossible amount of work with such a close deadline-

holy fuck

he really needs to get to know us before he starts making judgements.

i dont fucking care what it is. if its work thats given to me, FUCK YEAH I would do it to my best ability, and turn it in on time because i have the will to be successful and the ambition to CARRY THE FUCK ON.

AND I worked in 3Ds MAx for two years in highschool. SUCK.

ON.

MY.

DICK.

“you guys are lucky to have someone from the gaming industry teaching you-“

well honestly i feel like i couldn’t be more UNFORTUNATE. TO HAVE THIS SPECIFIC MAN. as a professor. im sick and tired of being told that im oh.

so fortunate. to have things the way i do now.

i dont think anyone likes to be told their dumb. believe it or not, neither do i. he makes everyone so……….INFERIOR to him.

im an 18 year old woman that has been told she “cant” for most of her life.

“You wont do this” “you’ll never do that”

his statements will fuel my fire. when im somebody in this world, im going to find him. that is if hes alive. or find his fucking grave.

and laugh.

get the fuck out.

first post of 2011

GAWD. im bad at keeping this up.

maybe its cuz ive been busy. yus.

whats happened this past month? o-0. i dont know. i started school.

it looks like im gonna be working my my tail off more than usual this quarter. tho i got by this week by a thread, im kinda iffy about actually WORKING.

im bad with that. lol. i know i should be sketching and sketching and getting more refs and concepts done, but im too busy watching Full Metal Alchemist.

its been about 43 episodes? yes? ive been completely enveloped in this series. omg. GUYS. i think this is it.

im almost done with season 1. its going to be great. i rly hope this doesnt turn out like frkn naruto.

i bought my ticket for anime matsuri. im so stoked. its gonna be wild. from what alex told me, going early would be my best bet. tho everyone's gonna be at school on friday o-0. so. might have to message ashlee about her going to the con. Because im not going to be held bak by a few pplz. Lonestar's anime club is apparently REALLY BIG. soem ppl should be going. hopefully ppl i KNOW.

ive stopped eating breakfast. Dx. dont ask. i just dont want.

and i wake up like in the affternoon anyway. so its no big deal.

dad lost his job AGAIN. and were back to struggling to pay the damn rent. my 17 year old sister is paying the rent. Dx and whenever the subject comes up, she will accuse me of being a lazy bitch who doesn't do anything but sit around on the computer all day. its not a lie. and i do feel bad that i can't rly do anything right now but go to school. she will occasionally go off on me. make me feel bad. but i know that in the end, everything will pay off. but i will be seriously indebted to her.

i feel like a grown cheetah cub that hasn't been abandoned by its mother. when theyre about a year old, their mother just leaves them to fend for themselves. right now. its like my mom hasn't left and im still depending on her for my survival and my younger sister's the one bringing home the bacon, and my dads just in the corner, basking in his failure.

i swear. god really doesn't like my dad.

i know i was taught that all things happen for a reason, but right now it looks like he's being punished for living his life the way hes been doing so. even if we try to live godly lives, it still

isnt


good

enough.

i learned a valuable lesson that day......i can learn a lot from my dad.

1) go to college
2) dont have kids until you finish college
3) sometimes church just isn't the answer. it just makes you more of a damn hypocrite than you think you are.

srsly. NOW that he's lost his job twice within 2010/2011 he's had three jobs, and insists on working on computers/IT, whatever. now he goes for prayer. oh. i see. NOW YOU NEED GOD. it wasn't like that when you had the helion job. ugh. it makes me sick.

my uncles been unemployed for abtu a year now. my aunt for about 6 months. i dont know how their surviving.

i dotn know how IM surviving.

things could be worse. but im not going to think abotu that right now.




whatever. moving on.

i found chester after a few months. and a good set of earphones. so you could say im content.

im learning japanese. ive been on it for abotu a month now. i think im getting a little too ahead of myself. lol. but i can understand a few phrases, read a little, and write in hiragana well but not so well in katakana. been working on forming sentences, memorizing the order of things, and repeating them out loud, talk to my dog or something, ANY METHOD to get it stuck in my head so that it remains there.


well now. i think i better get back to work now.

mata ne.